I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need a beard to bite.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
