why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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