I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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