There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
