A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
