we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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