Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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