what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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