Porn is love you can see.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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