I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
