How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
