barbara walters just said penis...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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