Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
