If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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