I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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