The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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