Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
