Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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