just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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