This girl is more easily done than said...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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