And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
