Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
