She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We are two peas in an std pod
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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