All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
