Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
