Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
