I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
