You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
