your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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