idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
