he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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