you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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