Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
