I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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