i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just gift wrapped bread.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you made out with another girl for some wings
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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