I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
