There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
