So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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