I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
