Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
