apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
