@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
