I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
