I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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