It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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