He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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