my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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