I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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