My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
