I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
