we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize