so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
