I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize