i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
