I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize