A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
