On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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