This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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