my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize