two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
