There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
