Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
