It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
