i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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