I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
