I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
