I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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