yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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