I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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