i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
