He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
