She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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