apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
