Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
