There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
